Never
by Th3 Twi1ight 5tar
Summary: "What do you mean you didn't mean too! How do you 'accidentally' mutilate your self!" Kurogane and Fai have an argument, and Fai ends up revealing his scarring past. AU KuroFai Warning: Cutting, Character death, Insanity


('Ello! It's me again! I have revised this chapter and made it longer! Sorry, I've been sooo busy, but things are slowing down now so I hope to update a bit more often! Anyways read and review! Love ya, Th3 Twi1ight 5tar, AKA Cherri Lips!)

Time slowed down. Everything was in slow motion. He sat curled into himself, in the middle of the shower. He scarcely remembered how he had gotten there in the first place. Last thing he remembered he had been arguing with Kurogane about… what? He couldn't remember.

His pale hand reached out, oh so slowly, and turned the water on hot. The water was so slow he felt as though it would take hours for it to even hit him in his position on the floor. But sure enough, even though it did seem like it took forever, he was soaked, clothes and all, and his slight shivering was slowly subsiding.

But everything was so damn slow. A lock of his blond hair fell into his eyes, causing him to blink. When he moved his line of sight from the drain to the lock of hair is when he saw it. A single silver razor. He himself never had any use for shaving utensils, but his roommate Kurogane shaved often and must have left it in the shower earlier that morning. Just the though of Kurogane caused an aching in his heart so intense he could have sworn his heart was literally breaking.

Without even thinking he reached out his now red hand, burnt from the steamy water, and grabbed the razor. As quickly as he could in his state of slow mindedness, he opened the little compartment that held the spare blade. Holding it between his right forefinger and thumb he turned it over and over, slowly. It glinted brightly in the refection of the dim light overhead.

Rolling up the sleeve on his now translucent white button up shirt, he stared down at the scars on his wrist. Hadn't he made a promise to someone not to do this again? And he had been so good to. Six months, nearly, with out a single cut. So long that Kurogane had gotten careless about where he left his razors. What a shame it would be to ruin all that hard work… but… If he didn't wake up then it wouldn't much matter now would it?

With this in mind he lowered the blade, on his wrist, _in_ his wrist, and the blood was flowing quickly. Quickly. Everything sped up, so fast his mind couldn't even hope to follow.

Now he remembered why he and Kurogane had been fighting. Fai refused to let Kurogane meet his family this coming winter break. He felt so stupid for not just flat out telling him his reasons. I mean how hard can it be to just say, "Oh, their all dead, and the only one that's left is in the insane asylum down town!" But no! Fai has to be difficult and keep everything a secret. He really was worthless, and untrustworthy, and everything else that Kurogane had called him earlier that day. But most of all he was a liar.

And suddenly there wasn't one slit on his wrist but ten, perfectly straight, cuts. They bled freely the red mixing with the clear water turning it pink. And he laughed. Not his normal pretending to be ok laugh, no this was a sick laugh, a "I can't believe I'm so fucking stupid" laugh. And he laughed because now he had gone and done what he had promised he wouldn't do again, and he laughed because he found, he did not care.

His laugh trailed off into a chuckle before disappearing all together. His thoughts slowed down again, as did the falling of the water and the thought of the razor crossed his sluggish mind. He made a move to reach for it only to find his limbs not responding properly. He sat there for god knows how long, could have been seconds, minutes, hours even and he would not have know, but the water was cold now and his arm was still bleeding freely.

He felt numb, and slow and tired, but he couldn't even move at this point, let alone think enough to do anything to fix his worsening condition, and a shattered thought crossed his mind, that he probably wouldn't have done anything anyways, even if he could.

So he sat there cold and numb, freezing water falling around him as his vision stared to blur. His last thought, though broken as it was, was that he probably wouldn't even be found until hours later when his roommate got home, and with that in mind he smiled and fell into the darkness.

Fai woke quite surprised. He was still in his and Kurogane's little shower, the frigid water still pounding down on him. His left arm stung slightly, but no longer bled, and his head seemed back to normal other than a killer head ache. Sighing, dejectedly, he picked himself up off he tile floor, holding onto the metal bars for support, and turned the water off. He was shivering violently, and quickly got out, stripping himself of his wet clothes.

His skin was ice cold, but there were blisters in some placed where the hot water had hit the same place for to long, and it hurt to dry off, even with their softest, fluffiest towel.

To Fai's great dismay, his arm began to bleed again when he attempted to pat it dry. Sighing yet again he dried the rest of himself and opened the medicine cabinet. Pulling out gauze, medical tape, cotton balls and hydrogen peroxide, he set them on the counter.

The peroxide burned like hell, but he didn't mind as much as he might have if he weren't busy mentally scolding himself. Idiot! Why would he have done something so stupid? Did he forget how hurt Kurogane had looked the last time he had done something like this?

With one last, final sigh, Fai finished bandaging his cuts and put all the things back in the cupboard. Throwing away all the bloody toilet paper and cotton balls he turned the light out and went to lie down in his room. The blood loss had made him rather tired.

"Fai!" Kurogane's strong voice sounded through out their small dorm room as he slammed the door shut behind him. He wasn't mad, he told himself, just irritated. Why was it so hard for Fai to let Kurogane meet his parents? Was Fai really that ashamed of being with him? They had known each other for over a year, and been dating for at least eight months. Surly it wasn't too much to ask to meet his lover's family? Fai had already meet Kurogane's little sister, Tomoyo, and Kurogane had openly told him that that was the only person in his family left to meet. Kurogane stalked through the house looking for his blonde idiot, determined to talk to him about this.

He found him, asleep in his bed, cuddled under so many blankets it was hard to tell that he was even there, his blonde locks the only thing visible. Kurogane softened a bit at the sight and decided to let him sleep awhile longer. He had to pee anyways. Closing the door quietly as he could he turned and walked to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, Kurogane flipped on the light, unbuttoned his pants, and began his business. His eyes wandered around the room, landing on the trashcan next to the toilet. It was filled with bloody bath paper.

Kurogane stormed into Fai's room cursing all the way. Fai, having woken with a start, sat up in his bed, careful to keep the bandaged arm out of sight.

"Well, hello Kuro-chii! What do you want that's so important as to wake me up for?" Fai questioned, afraid he already knew the answer, but determined to act stupid.

"What do you mean what's so important?! I think you already know!" Kurogane yelled.

"I have no idea what so ever, what you are talking about." Fai played dumb, exciting a snarl out of Kurogane.

"You cut yourself." He growled, low and scarily. Fai's smile faltered slightly and he liked his lips to cover it. Unsure what to say, Fai looked away from Kurogane in shame.

"I swear I didn't mean too…" He protested, giving up the act, but Kurogane exploded again.

"What do you mean you didn't mean too?! How do you 'accidentally' mutilate your self?!" He demanded stalking over and grabbing Fai's arm from under the thick blankets and holding it out to see. Blood had bled through, staining the white pink. Fai looked away, ashamed, pulling his arm out of Kurogane's grasp.

"It's none of your business, Kurogane." Fai stated, trying to get Kurogane to understand that he doesn't want to talk about it.

"It is to my business!" Kurogane defended. "How could it not be my business? Why did you do this?" He questioned, calming down considerably. "Is it because I wanted to meet your family?" He asked, his voice kind but concerned. Fai snapped.

"No its not because you want to meet my family!" He screamed, "Its because there is no one for you to meet!" He broke out sobbing leaning into Kurogane's shocked form. His face was buried in Kurogane's shirt, soaking it with tears, but Kurogane didn't mind. He was much to shocked to care about his shirt, and much more worried about Fai's mental state at he moment. Kurogane began to pat Fai's back, rubbing in soothing circles.

"Shhhh… It's all right. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, feeling like quite the ass for being so mean about it.

"I don't know!" Fai choked through his sobs. "I didn't want you to know that everyone I love dies… I thought you might leave me…" He admitted quietly, still clinging to Kurogane's shirt. At this Kurogane pulls away, holding him at arms length and looking him straight in the eye.

"You idiot, Fai, I could never leave you. Ever." He tells him. And for once Fai believes him with all his heart.


End file.
